why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
