I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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