You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
