did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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