Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
