And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
