Your tits are I can't wait for
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize