I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
