Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize