The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i came on her dog
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
