i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Randomize
