I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
