I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
