Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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