I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
