"it" just moved
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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