Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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