My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
