honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
