We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Can i not drive my cunt home
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
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