1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
