just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
