i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
