If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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