Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
