So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
