I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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