I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize