I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
