you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
