I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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