I smell stomach acid.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
