I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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