your thong is hanging out like whoa
apparently the secret to your success is patron
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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