yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
