i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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