I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
