So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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