It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
