no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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