So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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