i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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