It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
