Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
