how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
