its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I need a beard to bite.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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