If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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