i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
