Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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