This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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