Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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