a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
