just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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