She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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