You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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