By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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