Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize