I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Randomize
