walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
