My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
