my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
