Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
