he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
