Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
