I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
