she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
