That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
