Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
