Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
