ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
