Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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