I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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