as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
