Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
My nipple is on Facebook.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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