i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize