drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
